Sunday, April 26, 2009


First it was the bird flu. Actually, it was probably 5,497th, but it was the first outbreak I remember, and the first time I ever felt really afraid of a bird (unless you count the duck down by the lake that repeatedly chased me and tried to untie my shoe during cross-country practice in high school...). Now they are telling us it's the SWINE that are out to get us. What is it with all these animal-named outbreaks? I mean, have they no memory of what Noah did for them? Give a brother (and his sister) some love, man. I, for one, am tired of worrying about all this crazy virus-germ stuff. Here's my daily schedule.

  • Wake up.
  • Wash hands.
  • Take a shower.
  • Apply hair product.
  • Wash hands.
  • Eat breakfast.
  • Wash hands.
  • Think about dirt.
  • Wash hands.
  • Drive to school.
  • Wash hands in the first available restroom.
  • Hear a child sneeze down the hall.
  • Wash hands.
And this is how the day continues. I use, although I'm a bit scared of, the hand sanitizer. I am not a total junkie, but I will admit scrambling to get to it in my purse after touching something wet and sticky in a public place. It has its place, but I think it's just a matter of time before the mother-of-all-super-giant-virus-bugs lands on our planet and says, "YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD KILL ME WITH A LITTLE SQUIRT OF HAND SANITIZER?! HA!" And he will say it just like that, too. "HA!", really loud and mean-like. Because he can.
I think that all of this international flying has really fiddled with our immune systems. When someone who lives in Budapest can fly to Canada, go fishing, then travel on to Cancun to soak up some sun and return home in time to present his family with the lovely gift of the Swine Flu, we've got a problem. Sure, the average age of our life expectancy is up, but it's only because we're not plowing the fields on any given day, exhausting ourselves to extinction. That, and Advil. Here's a shameless plug for my favorite friend, who's always there for me in my time of need, ADVIL. I think I'll travel to my local Target store, stock up on Advil, face masks, and a few pints of Ben and Jerry's and ride out this latest outbreak in style. Here's hoping none of you and yours are affected by this latest epidemic (I hope it doesn't go pandemic) and that we can all breathe easy for awhile before we are attacked by the next mammal or reptilian trying to make their mark in history.


Eclectic Pink Rose said...

LOL! I am totally feeling this post with you, there's a huge write-up on the front page of Yahoo this morning, (of course I'm sure the media is blowing it out of preportion) but geez!!! Glad to hear someone shares my handwashing, hand sanitizer woes. LOL!!! Have a super day!
♥ Teresa

The Blonde Duck said...

I handwash and santize all the time too. It's really an addiction.

Debbie said...

I was so happy to hear about this flu because I was wondering what I would obsess about this week! Now I know.

carma said...

I'm an obsessive hand washer, too. And now I use the wipes at the grocery store to clean the cart handle. Can imagine what I'll be like by the time I'm a senior-- yikes!!

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Glad you enjoyed the cheesiness!It's VAS TIME baby :D

MilesPerHour said...

This just goes to show you what dealing with swine all day can do to ya.

mama-face said...

ditto. At least the news people are not making a big deal about this. I mean, the prez says not to worry, so we'll be fine, right?

"think about dirt" lol

I come from the land of SITS. very great post, now go wash your hands.

Mary said...

I don't have time to get sick, I have to get that $750 perfect attendance bonus to pay for this year's gas for vacation!

I use the opposite tactic. If you never wash your hands, your native germs will be so huge and scary, they can send in armies to annihilate the Swine Flu bugs before they ever reach your nose!

Tiffany said...

I always have the urge to use hand sanitizer when I leave walmart.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I loved this post.

That is all.

Sherrlyn Borkgren Photography said...

I recently learned that using hand sanitizer destroys all the good bacteria that keeps away disease! Maybe that is why disease is spreading as it is as we have killed our defenses! I love hot water and soap.

Bee and Rose said...

I hear ya, sister! Not a fan of the pandemic!

I have never been happier to homeschool my kids! lol!

MindyLew said...

I wash my hands so much that I am scared I am turning them old before their time!! I feel sorry for anyone that has to handle money all day - I could not imagine all the germs that is carried by our currency!!

Tranquility said...

Ha - I love your plan. Alrighty then, my favorites are Motrin and Hagen Daz (coffee flavor). I think I'll take your advice and just enjoy the ride, where ever it should lead.

Lacie E. said...

this hit the nail on the head!! thanks for a great post

Mikki Black said...

We just may be long lost sisters if your sentiments on flus and hand sanitizers are any kind of sign. :)

Just stopped in from SITS to check out your blog, and I'm glad I did! Who DOESN'T love a double shot?!