Sunday, December 27, 2009


I'm not quite sure what happened between Christmas Day and the morning after, but BOY HOWDY! The Christmas Spirit got sucked right out of some people, I tell you. I did my usual "the day after Christmas" shopping routine...I rolled out of bed, still a little hung over from all the ham and fudge the day before, spot-combed my hair, brushed my teeth, threw on the clothes that were laying on the floor beside the bed, and headed out the door. My first stop is always Hallmark, because I almost always LOVE their Christmas stuff. This year, I arrived on their doorstep at 8:36 a.m., late by "morning after" standards, and found myself EARLY! They didn't open until 9:00! But good news for all of you worrying right now that I stood there and froze my fanny off for the next 24 minutes--JoAnn's Craft Store was right next door and OPEN! Since I had been to JoAnn's approximately 4 times a week for the 3 weeks leading up to Christmas (craft supplies for class, etc.), their selection was not a surprise. I spent $3.00 to replace some used-up supplies, and headed back to Hallmark. I have found that there are 2 types of people (women) that go to Hallmark the day after Christmas. The people, who like me, want to replenish their bow and wrapping paper stashes, and THE OTHERS. These OTHERS that I speak of are the women who collect Hallmark ornaments. And most of them are CRAZY. Now, if you are a Hallmark-ornament-collecting-non-crazy woman, I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER AN APOLOGY FOR MY OVER-GENERALIZING COMMENT. THE WOMEN WHERE I WAS SHOPPING WERE NUTS. They had no problem knocking small children upside their heads with their shopping bags if it meant getting the coveted Star Wars Luke Skywalker ornament, and more than one heavy sigh was uttered, suggesting the rest of us had better GET. OUT. OF. THEIR. WAY. Now, far be it from me to screw with people (um, yeah, right), but I'll admit that I may have stood a little longer than necessary and fondled one too many ornaments just to mess with 'em. Yeah, I don't even collect the ornaments. This year Hallmark decided to put all of the ornaments right next to all of the wrapping supplies, so THEY DID IT TO THEMSELVES.

I made the usual rounds after that: Pier One, World Market, Target, and Barnes and Noble. Everywhere I went, people seemed to be unusually cranky. What had been DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY the day before became I'LL DECK YOU IN THE AISLES, AND IT'LL BE MY FOLLY the day after. Sheesh. So to you, lady, who tried to run over me in the Pier One parking lot and then stared at me with your CRAZY EYES while I shopped inside, I say STAY HOME NEXT YEAR. Or at least have a cup of eggnog in the parking lot.

Thursday, December 10, 2009


Student: Do you know the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Me: Um, yeah.

Student: No, this is a joke.

Me: I know, I'm just messin' with ya.

Student: Do you want to hear the joke?

Me: Um, yeah.

Student: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Me: I think I've heard that one before.

Student: Really?

Me: No.

Student: Do you know?

Me: No, what the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Student: Anybody can roast beef, but nobody can pea soup!

Me: That's the funniest joke I've ever heard!

Student: Yeah, me too.

The best part was when he told me the same joke 5 more times the same day, and I had to pretend it was as funny each time as it was the 1st time he told me! Good times...

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


I think that there should be a date of expiration on all uneaten Halloween candy. I mean, what kid who's worth his weight in Snickers has any left come December 1st, anyway? Haven't their parents eaten what was left? (Ahem) I knew today was going to be rough when I was greeted at my classroom door by several of my students who had graciously accepted a classmate's offering of leftover Halloween candy. For breakfast... At 7:30 a.m... By 10:00 a.m., I had sent one to the nurse's office with a tummy ache, explained to Evan that little girls didn't like to be called "honey buns" by little boys, and tried to come up with an answer for why dogs and cats have thicker skin that humans (that was during math class). By afternoon recess, our boy's bathroom pass had been thrown up on the roof. Luckily for us, Jessie had said a prayer when she went out to use the restroom, and God had told "her heart and brain" that the culprit had been either Daniel, Joseph, Connor, or Michael. Well, at least that's one less problem for me to think about. Sigh. When's Christmas?