TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

Dear Mr. Hanes,
I am writing to you today to voice a growing concern that I am having regarding your line of panties for women. Although this is by no means a new issue, I have found that it has reached a new, disturbing apex of anxiety for me. It has to do with the overwhelming number of choices that you offer. Now, I understand that we girls like our choices, and we are even prone to changing our minds several times in our constant search for "new and improved" products. But seriously? I find myself in the aisle at Target or Walmart, akin to a deer in headlights, all while trying to do something as simple as pick out a six-pack of undies. We used to have to choose between "granny panties" and high cut panties, cotton or mysterious silky blend fabrics, and plain or patterned. Now, you've brought on the hurt with additional choices such as "hipsters", "boy briefs", "low rise", and oh, I could go on and on. And the cute little sticker that says, "NO RIDE UP" and "WEDGIE FREE"?--shouldn't that just be a standard feature in a pair of underwear? I really hate to complain, and I really do understand progress, but it's getting increasingly difficult to explain to my husband and children that there will be no hot meal again tonight because I just couldn't make it out of the "unmentionables" aisle in under an hour and a half.
If you are open to suggestions, I would recommend that you limit your selections once again to just a handful, because more is just a pain in the butt, pardon the pun. Oh, and please keep the Bonus Pair Buy 6 get 1 Pair Free Cotton Multi Color No Ride Up Wedgie Free Hipsters on the list--I really like those.

Yours Until the Elastic is Shot,
Lori